@Kimpulses: A woman was arrested when her boyfriend’s body was found in a freezer in their living room. Who the hell puts a freezer in the living room?
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@AngelaEhh: This liquid diet crap is a scam. I've been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I'm still fat.
@fizzlestothetop: Well, seeing as Jesus only had 12 followers, I'd say I'm doing pretty well for myself.
@Mr_Kapowski: Why does the airport entice me and call it a baggage carousel if I'm not allowed to ride on it?
@aveuaskew: Repeatedly referring to the electrician as a "take charge kind of guy" is a great way to make your doorbell turn on the garbage disposal.