@FloodyHippie: A zombie jumped out at me, in a haunted house, but he didn't scare me. He did, however, catch my elbow in his face.
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@waydybee: Finally goes to open-mic night. gets on stage. bombs so badly gets arrested for terrorism. #BucketListFails
@Reverend_Scott: Carl: Gonna be a hot one today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: Male ostriches can roar like lions. Me: Fair enough, Carl.
@KevinFarzad: Fellas, here's a flirting tip: If a girl plays with her hair while taking to you, it means she has lice and you should stay away from her.