@daplusk: "AAAAHH EARTHQUAKE!
Oh good, now it is snowing"
- If I lived in a snow globe.
@Book_Krazy: [First Date]
Me: I can't believe we're on a date! It's not cause my fathers rich is it?
Him: No. He's very handsome too
Me: CHECK PLEASE
@kDuncanG: my accountant: look at ur currently monthly budget:
· RENT: $800
· GAS: $200
· CHEEZ-ITS: $2,750
me: ur right, i need a cheaper place.
@InternetHippo: I would absolutely slay the dating game if looks and personality didn’t matter
@pplwtching: Ever notice you can hardly touch something that just came off a grill, but yet a fly can land on that MFer like its room temperature?
@KeetPotato: me: "why was she called the little mermaid, she was 5ft7?"
therapist: "i meant anything bothering you about your marriage keith"