@DamienFahey: About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
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@StellaRtwot: *hands cashier $100 bill "Ya have anything smaller?" *crumbles up $100 bill and hands it to cashier
@Sarcasmo718: Taking your shirt off when fighting is a great way to tell the cops who to arrest.
@jordan_stratton: Don't be a doormat for people to walk all over. Be a FAKE doormat over a trapdoor that leads to a secret pit of cobras.