@DamienFahey: About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
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@QwertyJones3: [Halftime speech] Ok guys, we're down 56-0, but I see the problem. There's a typo in my game plan. It should say "tackle", not "tickle".
@therealeatwood: ME: [in g-string and hardhat] You sure this is what Boss meant by strip-mining? [A bat swoops down and tucks a crumpled bill into my thong]