@badbanana: Abraham Lincoln is trending. Congrats to his social media team.
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@pleatedjeans: Let the bodies hit the floor? Ok but first let me put down some plastic this is new carpet I don't want to ruin it my mom will be pissed
@Samiam556: They won't give me insurance on my phones anymore, but yet they don't make phones that survive being thrown against walls? It's nonsense...
@ibid78: [my hot coworker Brenda & I at gates of Hell] BRENDA: we finally closed the gate, what should we seal it with? ME: a kiss? B: don't do that