@AmishPornStar1: Abs are for people who can't afford good food.
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@ThugPickles: OMG! THERE'S A SERIAL KILLER ON THE LOOSE! "OMG." Wtf are you doing?! "HIDING MY DAMN CEREAL!"
@envydatropic: If you read enough tweets you can tell the approximate time the tweeter switched from coffee to alcohol
@ruinedpicnic: me: when I was your age there was a band called Hoobastank grandson: his mind is clearly degraded. that cannot be true. the old man is dying
@JordyHamrick: Ladies, the next time a guy has the courage to talk to you, remember he's not wearing makeup. Also, remember what you look like without it.