@hipoctogenarian: *Getting murdered* omg I have the exact same knives

@DannyZuker: If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.

@1NTERCEPTOR_: When they were saying "we will find a good home for him" I thought they were talking about the dog,I didn't know they were talking about me!

@bathflyer: A ponytail so tight I look 5 years younger and everyone thinks I've been smiling all day.

@badbanana: Idea: Like Google Glass, but a necklace or something that projects a website onto the face of the person talking to you.