@mdob11: Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don't come to work :(
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@JWilsonGA: Just saw my wife's tampon string hanging out while she slept. Not sure, but I bet if I lit her fuse she'd explode bigger than any firework.
@stephenjmolloy: Job interviewer: "Why do you want to join the Secret Service?" Me: "It's a secret." Job interviewer: "You got the job."
@badbanana: Fun game: Order food to be delivered to your mobile home and then lead the delivery driver on a high-speed chase through town.