@mdob11: Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don't come to work :(
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@XplodingUnicorn: Optometrist: Any questions about laser eye surgery? Me: How big of lasers will my eyes shoot? Him: Me: Him: How much money do you have?
@KyleMcDowell86: [job interview] "What's your biggest weakness?" "My honesty" "I don't think-" "I broke into ur house and made love to ur cat last night"
@Mr_Kapowski: Coworker: Happy Thanksgiving Eve! Gobble til you wobble! Me: *mutters* How bout you slobble on my knobble CW: What was that? Me: You too