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@lizetagge: Absence makes the heart want to fondle other people
@slimmy_shady: My tongue was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records until the damn librarian kicked me out.
@stephenjmolloy: [Every restaurant ever]
Manager: "Has he got a mouthful of food?"
Manager: "Go and ask him how his meal is."
@zakagan: I named my two kids Madness and Sparta, and boy do I love introducing them to people
@jaslakhmna: Alcohol because no great conversation ever started over a salad !
@LoveNLunchmeat: *puts on Rocky theme music*
*jogs in place*
*picks up phone to call mom*