@hippieswordfish: absolutely despicable that gingerbread men are forced to live in houses made of their own flesh
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@batkaren: Dinosaurs never could've survived til the present day. Could you imagine a stegosaurus in a Honda Civic? It'd be totally ridiculous in 2017.
@cbdoubleu: Wife: I lost my day planner. Me: Not in your briefcase? W: No. I looked EVERYWHERE. M: Well it looks like you've got a hidden agenda W:
@RoosterMustache: "Where'd my boomerang go?" Under there "Under where?" Hahaha I just made you say "underwear" *boomerang hits me in the back of the head*