@myonlymizztake: AC changed bail to basil, and now I'm sitting in jail with some lovely herbs.
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@kelkulus: Apple has solved laptop theft by making them obsolete by the time thieves get out the door.
@gingerfaced: My current diet all ends with an S. Pizzas. Hamburgers. Tacos. Nachos. Everything that's in sights.
@Rich_McCarthy: Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
@DanMentos: LIFE HACK: If you want to remember something write it upside down on the back of your underwear waistband. You’ll see it when you’re pooping