@4handfuls: AC changed "laughing at your gif" to "laughing at your God" and now I've accidentally started a religious war in this group text...
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@JasonLastname: As the officer approached my car I took a big pull of helium from the balloon and started crying
@timdonakowski: GF's friend didn't keep my Valentine's gift a secret. So I had to embroider a towel for her too. Because, well, snitches get stitches.
@BevisSimpson: Havent picked sides in Gamer gate yet.. which do I like more.. the entire female gender or the thing where I pretend to kill people on Tv..
@Fred_Delicious: [becomes allergic to the floor midway through a date & slowly floats out of a window]