@McNevich: Accidentally ate a ball of wasabi the size of a marble and now I can smell math
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@Darlainky: "Sorry about this, but I ran out of allergy medicine and it's spring," I say to the frightened pharmacy clerk through my hazmat suit.
@Oh_God_Why_Me: Just told my driving instructor to put his seat belt ON for his safety. I'm definitely going to get the license this time.
@ericsshadow: THEM: in 186 days an asteroid is going to collide with Earth EVERYONE ELSE: *screaming* ME: *deletes MyFitnessPal app*