@leechee420: Accidentally ate the sticker on my apple. This wouldn't have happened if it had been a Snickers.
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@froghammer: Obamacare? More like "Obama? I don't care for that guy!!!" Honk if you want poor people to die
@behindyourback: I'm rabidly against plagiarism, but I guess if you're going to steal something, a Columbus joke at least makes sense
@_senote_: Friend: What's your favourite season? Me: Of which show? Friend: 😐 Me: 😶 Friend: 😕 Me: 😐 Me: 👀💭 Me: Oh you meant like.. the weather.
@AmishPornStar1: My wife's yoga class is really relaxing... 'Cuz she's usually gone for at least two hours.