@shanethevein: Accidentally bring the wrong kid home on Halloween once and now I have to listen to the same stupid story EVERY year.
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@QwertyJones3: HILLARY CLINTON: Putin wants a puppet as the US president KERMIT THE FROG: YAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!
@PaperWash: teenage son: [mad at me] I WISH I WAS BATMAN [slams door] me: ok lol [later] me: hey what the f-
@victorlavalle: Writing a horror story where parents won’t just drop off their children for a play date. They also want to sit and talk. It’s called, “You Really Don’t Have to Stay.”