@shanethevein: Accidentally bring the wrong kid home on Halloween once and now I have to listen to the same stupid story EVERY year.
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@PaulyPeligroso: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Hide all that weed because police lights are too.
@GoldenSpirals: No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
@bobbiejo448: 5yo: I can't wear those socks today. They say Wednesday. Me: If anyone notices, tell them you're here from the future to save the world.