@shanethevein: Accidentally bring the wrong kid home on Halloween once and now I have to listen to the same stupid story EVERY year.
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@WilliamAder: A woman at work told me I look younger with my glasses off. I told her she looked younger with my glasses off, too.
@BackrowSeats: I'll sleep when I'm dead. I'll sleep tonight as well. There's also a pretty good chance I'll take a nap soon.
@yonewt: If I had wings, I'd spread them and soar like an eagle for about ten minutes then space out on a phone wire with these fat pigeons