@shanethevein: Accidentally bring the wrong kid home on Halloween once and now I have to listen to the same stupid story EVERY year.
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@captainkalvis: Me: im on a quest to lose my virginity Friend: well, for starters dont call it a quest Me: ok but the ar- Friend: the armor's gotta go too *i dismount from my horse and stomp metallically off to my room*
@inmybox07: Apparently I'm a bad mother for having a lip piercing. Actually sir, that is a zit. Thank you for pointing it out.
@fro_vo: [wedding] Priest: repeat after me Groom: after me P: ... [to bride] is he serious Bride: no his name is gary