@shanethevein: Accidentally bring the wrong kid home on Halloween once and now I have to listen to the same stupid story EVERY year.
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@LynneMcCarthy: Please do not wear flip flops if your feet look like you could sweep down & snatch your dinner while it's still running through the forrest
@gf3: me: i'm here for stabbing lessons clerk: sir this is a fencing clu— me: yeah whatever hand me a knife clerk: … me: dress me like a beekeeper
@Sickayduh: [Touring Italy] Guide: Bathroom anyone? Me: I peed at the Tower of Pizza Guide: That's Pisa Me: Sorry. I took a pisa at the Tower of Pizza
@Cheeseboy22: Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."