@TheCatWhisprer: Accidentally connected my Fitbit account to Facebook and now everyone knows I only walked 13 steps yesterday.
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@AristotlesNZ: Me: WHAT DO WE WANT?! Him: "Nothing. I'm good." WHEN DO WE WANT IT? "Seriously, knock it off." I GOT A NEW BULLHORN! "I can see that..
@rockymomax: [ultrasound] DOCTOR: oh my god! HER: what's wrong? DOCTOR: Ok don't panic but it looks as though you swallowed a baby
@audipenny: person texting me: hey I'm outside me: [covered in glue and accidentally tripping onto a pile of several thousand photos of you] uh HANG ON