@TheCatWhisprer: Accidentally connected my Fitbit account to Facebook and now everyone knows I only walked 13 steps yesterday.
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@Thynebear: *goes to watch youtube vid* BUFFER well okay *lifts weights* *checks again* BUFFER *does steroids* BUFFER "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME"
@TequilaTears: Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
@theshamingofjay: Divorce is like hitting the reset button on Super Mario Bros except now you pay for the Princess's castle and hope Bowser kills you.
@RorynotRoy: Spent all last night mouthing words to my dog to try and convince him that he'd gone deaf.