@Cheeseboy22: Accidentally deleted an invitation to join LinkedIn from a friend. I doubt I'll ever get an opportunity like that again.
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@Brianhopecomedy: Bought an ice cream cake and the cashier told me to keep it in the freezer until serving as it will melt. I gotta start dressing smarter.
@dorsalstream: Before posting each tweet, I ask myself: Does it bring me joy? Will it bring joy to others? I never wait for the answer.
@Rschooley: How dare Beyonce bring symbols of past racial strife into popular music performance!!
@grimpossible: "Hey son, we really love you but we posted a picture of you on Instagram and nobody liked it which is why we're giving you up for adoption."