@kentgrossarth: Accidentally dialed 911 so I set my neighbor's house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@GrabTheWEness: [Weather Channel Secret Memo] To technical crews: If blizzard doesn't reach predicted intensity, shoot all exteriors through snow-globes.
@murrman5: "when people say different color bell peppers taste different" [doctor nodding] I meant anything bothering you physically
@jonnysun: i wanted som fried chicken but i didnt hav any chicken so i fried a egg and now im waitig for it to hatch