@FilthyRichmond: Accidentally got two shots of hand sanitizer so if you need me I'll be rubbing my hands together for the rest of my life.
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@dhumann: Flight Attendant: "Here is the extra blanket you asked for." Me: "Thanks. Could you jam it into that guy's mouth?"
@TheDreamGhoul: BRENDA: I brought cookies! ME: I guess I can have one, I've been good all week *eats cookie* *eats entire tray of cookies* *eats Brenda too*