@NoticablyBacon: Accidentally just told a girl that "she has a nice head" because I appearently have the flirting skills of a serial killer
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@iwearaonesie: my wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can't see the mailbox when she's backing up?
@Ygrene: [first date] DATE: so you love dogs? ME: yes, I relate to them very much DATE: aww that's swee- [a fly buzzes my head and I try to bite it]