@Sassafrantz: Accidentally left my phone at home, now I know how Kevin McCallister's parents felt.
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@WheelTod: The wife & I fought last night. Saying things that can't be taken back. Like perishable goods. Baby food. DVDs with broken seals. Underwear.
@dazedandsincere: Young man cashier: Ma'am, if you don't mind me saying, you have really beautiful eyes. What I heard: Ma'am
@cat_whisperer_: Breaking: New torture report reveals CIA use of Facebook Year In Review videos.
@RyDoon: Biggest fears: 4. Dancing in public 3. Spiders 2. Forgetting names 1. Dancing in public with spiders who's names I forget