@stopbylater: Accidentally left my shopping list on the kitchen bench so had to rely on memory. Came home with a tub of icecream & a pony.
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@ohpegah: "Never put all your eggs in one basket," I said to my best friend, boyfriend, business partner, and yoga instructor, Jack.
@nappydolemite: Her: "If you can't handle me at my-" Me: "I'm going to stop you right there. I can't. It's fine."
@ClichedOut: me: i've been hearing voices psychiatrist: me: psychiatrist: u don't have a psychiatrist
@JohnFugelsang: Millions stunned and blindsided to learn Tim Allen had been on a network sitcom for like the last six years or something