@punmagnate: Accidentally made eye contact w/co-worker thru bathroom stall door crack. Didn't know what to do so I blew him a kiss
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@onion_an: [1st day as criminal sketch artist] Victim: He was blonde had blue eyes, he was about 6ft t.... Me: I'm gonna need a longer sheet of paper
@rickygervais: The people who shout the loudest about their all powerful God protecting them & delivering them from any evil, also own a gun, just in case.
@autumnsays_: I put cucumbers, lemons, lime, and mint leaves in my water today thinking I was fancy...my one student gonna yell out and say “Ms. Luck got a salad in her water” *students erupt in laughter*