@StarksWeek: Accidentally ordered a large Coke from McDonalds. My Smart Car tipped over
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@SnackMomSyndrom: If something happened to me today, my legacy would be how much my kids say "like"
@shopkins776: *puts on headphones *cranks "Eye of the Tiger" *downs energy drink *laces up Nikes *runs out into 13° weather *runs back inside *Naps
@KenJennings: Shout out to whoever invented Braille! Maybe nobody remembers your name but you came up with a pretty dope way for blind people to read
@FunkyFresh_79: [on a first date] Ok, don't let her know you're really a squirrel... Her: I had a great time, good night! Me: *runs in front of her car