@StarksWeek: Accidentally ordered a large Coke from McDonalds. My Smart Car tipped over
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@TragicAllyHere: *being abducted by aliens* Hey thanks guys it was getting pretty rough down there. What we got goin' on, snack-wise?
@Dildotron: [planning for wedding] i found us a remote location "Omg where?" *points to fanny pack stapled to wall above TV* The remote goes there now
@murrman5: excuse me, waitress? "I'm not a waitress" Oh, what are you then "Well, I'm a..*turns to other burger king employee* what the hell are we?"