@Lola_Areola: Accidentally picked up two traffic cones instead of my children again
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@myonlymizztake: Me: I'm ghosting him. Her: You stopped talking to him? Me: No, I'm showing up when he least expects it and scaring the shit out of him.
@marcusparkersol: If you hate Capitalism so much, then just write everything in lower case. Problem solved.
@david8hughes: [son's football game] Other dad: which one's yours? Me: I can't remember. I just wait for him in the car when the games over