@Lola_Areola: Accidentally picked up two traffic cones instead of my children again
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@VodkaThursday: My bunny thumps at trash collectors. Nice to know that if the Sanitation Dept. ever has ill intentions, she won't stand for any of that shit
@murrman5: [senses date is losing interest in me] "my uncle was the guy who did the rap in Red Red Wine"
@Macar00ny: The first time a girl walked up to me and gave me her number I didn't know what to do so I ate it.