@simoncholland: Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels.
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@heyjaadu: I use proper syntax and punctuation on all of my tweets, unless I am in danger of exceeding the 140 character limit... & then u no how it b
@Reverend_Scott: [kisses daughter goodnight] Sleep tight. "Daddy, where do babies come from?" Amazon. "Why's it take 9 months?" Shipping. Go to sleep.
@donni: It's hard to stay mad at Kanye when you remember he once threatened to move to Oklahoma and live at his aunt's house