@simoncholland: Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels.
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@LurkAtHomeMom: My son asked what it was like to be a parent so I begged him to make me chicken nuggets and then held on to his leg so he couldn't move.
@kayleighpuget: "Am I the only one who-?" There are over 7 billion people on earth. No. No you're not the only one.
@SgtButtCheeks: I once knew a brother so smooth he wore a bluetooth in each ear and held the exact same conversation with 2 separate women at the same time