@KKAlThani: Accidentally ran over my neighbor's cat today & I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying "curiosity was here"
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@TuffyNyC: Kids, make sure you learn how to use a protractor in case one day you're a teacher & have to show kids how to use a protractor.
@aka_fatman: [birdwatching] Ah, let us behold the majesty of the Bald eagle. And let us acknowledge the social awkwardness of the Combover eagle.
@JPHaddadio: When I am president, it will be legal to grab the waists of slow and distracted pedestrians on cell phones and race them along.
@AdderallMomma: Nobody warned me that my child could possibly develop an attitude similar to mine.