@StaceyShortcake: Accidentally sent a guy a ;) instead of a :), now one of us is probably pregnant.
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@PencilWalrus: [Job interview] "What would you say is your greatest strength?" "Sticking my fingers in people's mouths." "Arhghv-um-hirv-ok-hrbsj-hired"
@Mr_Kapowski: If the movie theater slightly lowered their candy prices I wouldn't have to duct tape candy around my kid's torso like a suicide bomber