@StaceyShortcake: Accidentally sent a guy a ;) instead of a :), now one of us is probably pregnant.
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@TheBoydP: Top uses for a bathroom exhaust fan: 3. Remove moisture from the air 2. Remove odor from the air 1. Cover up disgusting sounds
@therealeatwood: If Trump dies in office he won’t even admit it. He’ll keep tweeting from the grave: “VERY dishonest coroner’s report says I died. Sad!”
@Brianhopecomedy: When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it's Santa Claus!" so I don't have to get up.