@GarreTheFerret: Accidentally swallowed some food coloring. I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside
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@kirkdiedrich: The guy behind the counter asked me what I wanted on my sub and I said a collar and restraints and now I'm not allowed in Subway.
@runawaycupcake: "We're not buying another toy until Mommy gets laid!" might not be the most appropriate thing to yell in ToysRUs.
@J0hnnyBlaze: "Omg, I literally just died" -people who literally don't know what literally means