@TheCatWhisprer: Accidentally switched the baby formula with coconut milk and now my newborn is complaining that her lullabies are "too mainstream."
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@markhoppus: Someone a few houses over is having a party. I can hear the music and laughter and people enjoying themselves. I'm calling the damn cops.
@LoveNLunchmeat: I always cry at weddings, but only because being that close to large cakes makes me so happy.
@UncleDuke1969: Superman: How'd you know? Lex: Know what? S: My secret identity! L: Whaddya mean? S: You called me a KENT!! L: That's NOT what I called you.
@Mr_Kapowski: If anyone can remember the jokes from Popsicle sticks, I'll be exposed for the fraud I am