@lazerdoov: Accidentally texted my dad "have a hood day" and he shot three people
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@JermHimselfish: I do a spot-on impression of a man in his 30's not living up to his full potential.
@ThoughtOtter: *hears crying* *finds baby in dumpster* *sees large box full of N64 games* *looks around* "You didn't see anything, baby." *takes box*
@orange_rhymer: Cashier: how old r u? Me:*holding beer nervously* uuh 21 Cashier:*shaking his head sadly as he pulls Trix out of my cart* Trix are for kids.