@lazerdoov: Accidentally texted my dad "have a hood day" and he shot three people
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@onion_an: [on date pretending not to be a dung beetle] Date: What's your favourite meal? Me: Poop Date: What? Me: SOUP, I like eating soup
@Dutch_50: Denied candy because I "didn't wear red". Kicked out of the office because I "didn't wear pants". I'm tired of these Valentine's Day rules.
@LukeErd: You love him. Your parents approve him. He buys you flowers and chocolate. He wrote you a poem that rhymes "wood" with "food."
@Cheeseboy22: My son found a SEVEN leaf clover on the neighbor's back porch! I don't have the heart to tell him that it's really a marijuana leaf.