@sbrooks13: Accidentally took an adderall instead of an anti-depressant now I'm SUPER focused on my depression.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Did you use my highlighter? 2-year-old: Me: 2: Me: 2: No. Apparently she’s always been neon yellow.
@JediGigi: Me: I don't feel well Mom: Did you eat the plastic fruit again, Gigi? Me: No Mom: ... Me: ... Mom: ... Me: *throws up plastic banana*
@MadamBetteNoire: Pollen count so high, junkies are trying to uncook their meth back to Sudafed.
@NYC_Blonde: Boys are cute how they're all "I like girls that don't wear heavy makeup" and "get down from that tree near my window or I'll call the cops"