@sucittaM: Accidentally triple-knotted my laces so I guess I'm wearing these shoes for the rest of my life.
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@HeyoShellz: My 4 year old refused his dinner but it's ok because I caught him eating a Milkbone earlier
@k_lli: My favorite part of the holiday party is getting to meet my coworkers' dates & find out who chooses to put up with these people for free.
@fatherofcomedy: If u ask me to baby sit 3 and at d end of d day can find only 1, dat is not a reflection on me as a babysitter.i was nevr gud at maths
@FrankCurtisB: When a lady leaves an article of clothing at my place, I do the gentlemanly thing and put it on and parade around the house looking pretty.