@sucittaM: Accidentally triple-knotted my laces so I guess I'm wearing these shoes for the rest of my life.
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@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is being chased by a pug. he jumps in a taxi and escapes. he breathes a sigh of relief. the driver turns around. it's the pug
@SortaBad: [babysitting] Ok well sorry I threw all your kid's toys into the ocean but maybe next time be more clear if you suggest we have a tea party
@KeetPotato: [on phone to gf] her: "you never understand me anymore so.." me: "so what?" her: "we're breaking up" me: "i can hear you fine"