@Home_Halfway: Accidentally used AXE shampoo to wash my cat the other day and now he's boxing strays and impregnated 17 dogs
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@TheDarkSideCEO: Optimistic Thought of the Day: You are always 1/3 of the way towards having a threesome.
@TGIJeff: When they ask me in a job interview what my greatest weakness is, I always say that I can't open my eyes under water
@tdwyer618: The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.