@capricecrane: Accidentally walked into the men's room so I just went ahead and used the urinal so it wouldn't be awkward for anyone.
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@Skullcat: My autopsy is going to be surprising as hell because I am 100% filled with mashed potatoes
@ndiquote: My girlfriend is so crazy she even traced down the girl who once kissed me in kindergarten.
@TheHatdog: *gets handed a Mario Kart controller at a party* I don't know guys, I've never done this before. *straps on monogrammed driving gloves*
@Godhatespants: Just heard a 15 year old call an autobiography a word selfie *points finger gun at mouth* *pulls trigger*