@envydatropic: According to all these "note to self" sticky notes I am a very forgetful person also I have no idea what these notes mean
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@LindaInDisguise: Bohemian Rhapsody should be an official unit of measure. "I can shower in 1 Bohemian Rhapsody." "Ran a 5K in under 6 Bohemian Rhapsodies."
@petfurniture: "why do women always take sooo long to put their makeup on?" because makeup is war paint for Being In Public, clearly
@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: *dumps Cheez-its on the floor* Me: What are you doing?! 3-year-old: Feeding the Roomba.