@jordan_stratton: According to commercials, a woman's primary goal in life is to lock in moisture.
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@katy_fit: Remember kids, don't light your own fireworks. Have the adults who have been drinking all damn day do it.
@dafloydsta: [death row] GUARD: Ok, here's your last meal. Bon appétit. CAT: *slowly pushes meal off table*
@NotARatsAss: Tried to make a video seductively licking the frosting from an Oreo, but got excited and ate the whole thing. Twenty times.