@Amburglar_: According to Facebook, 78% of girls I went to high school with now own their own photography business.
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@SuperApple8: Me: BARTENDER! Bring me another beer. Him: Mom, I'm doing my homework. Me: *claps* Star! Him: I hate Twitter. Me: *belch* blocked.
@DepressedDarth: That awkward moment when your stormtrooper army loses a battle to a bunch of teddy bears with sticks and stones.
@jakob_huber: A bottle washes on shore with a note inside it: "Go swimming, the water's great! And there's no sharks! P.S. this wasn't written by a shark"
@ShanaRose21: I have a bad habit of starting things and never finishing them. Let's all be thankful I'm not a surgeon.