@Ristolable: According to Facebook a bunch of handsome dudes got together and decided to marry all my ex-girlfriends
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@dom_dot_dom: A Serial Killer Known For Ripping Out Tounges Entered The Buzzfeed Office And What He Did Next Left Us Speechless
@DanMentos: "My first wife didn't have a gag reflex" Wow that's amazing "Yeah she never laughed at any of my jokes"
@XplodingUnicorn: [terrible nursing home] Old guy: How did you end up here? Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster.
@Barack_and_Joe: When your homie hyped you up to talk to a girl and you look back one last time before risking it all.