@carrietini: According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid.
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@bornmiserable: [United] This is your captain speaking. Underneath each of your seats is a broadsword. In the words of Highlander, there can be only one.
@junejuly12: [Coffee line] *Sees cute barista* *Twirls hair* No whipped cream please *Sees his backward sunglasses* *Drops hand* Never mind. Load it up.
@kathybotteas: Back in the day my parents wanted me to marry only one of my own. Now they're like "That orangutan looks nice. That elephant looks smart."