@kevnasto: According to my autocorrect, i'm wearing edible pantries
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@HelmdawgE: Just got unfollowed by exorcist scary looking lady with crazy eyes who has "will get in cars with strangers" in her bio. I'm hiding........
@ryaninco: There's three cop cars in the parking lot of my gym. This might be my last Tweet for a little while.
@CoreyKeyz: You got 30 minutes to text me back or I'm breaking into your house & responding to myself.
@Mr_Kapowski: If you encounter another Dad in the wild wearing a #1 Dad shirt, you must fight to the death. Disneyland has never been so fun