@kevnasto: According to my autocorrect, i'm wearing edible pantries
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@Molly_Kats: YOU TWEETED 23 TIMES TODAY. RT @realDonaldTrump People ask me what I do in my free time. The answer--I don't have any.
@: [Changes Siri to male] ME: Siri, tell me the— MALE SIRI: Listen, here’s what you need to know. ME: I… MALE SIRI: Excuse me, I’m speaking
@kylekinane: Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we'd still be talking about how we're not finding that airplane.
@philmann: PRIEST: In the beginning there was the word ME: capsicum P: no M: tumescent gerund caliphate P: stop trying to guess the word M: maelstrom