@ryaninco: According to my cholesterol level I'm a pizza.
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@coketruck76: 13: Dad, do you believe in miracles? Me: Do you remember spray painting my car? 13: yeah M: Are you breathing? 13: yeah M: Well, there ya go
@kirbys4losers: Maybe I can bury my burned out vibrators in the Pet Sematary and they'll come back to life with a vengeance.
@CrystalMoon214: Am I the only one who gives people in my neighborhood names they don't know they have? a.k.a. "Running Man","Mustang Bob", "Blue truck dude"