@ryaninco: According to my cholesterol level I'm a pizza.
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@WilliamAder: Arrogant Co-Worker: Do you have any idea how many years of education I have? Me: Don't feel bad, I got held back a couple of times myself.
@Jake_Vig: "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave." "But after that I'm not responsible for any more room charges, correct?"
@thereverendcink: If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
@AComicTragedy: Considering you can be anything you want on the internet, it's amazing how many choose to be stupid.