@robyn_vo: According to my cousin's diploma, he graduated from an "Institute of Fine Farts" because I just made an adjustment to it with a sharpie.
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@causticbob: Today. I. Realized. That. Typing. Like. This. Doesn't. Make. Your. Point. Stronger. It. Makes. You. Look. Like. Your. Computer. Has. Asthma
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Deli counter guy told me bad things happen in 3's after he dropped his phone and bumped his head, so I complained about him to management.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Liam Neeson: What I do have are a very particular set of skills. Me if I were the kidnapper: *is.