@JD_Barney: According to my google history, I spent most of last night trying to buy a llama.
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@MarfSalvador: paramedic: [performing mouth to mouth on grandpa] me: oh god not at christmas!! not like this! [holds up mistletoe] ok carry on
@inSanelySami: Lance Armstrong should keep his awards. Last time I rode a bike doped up, I ran into a parked zebra.
@chuchugoogoo: if u told me 20yrs ago that we'd have a black prez w/ the middle name Hussein, I'd have kept playing w/ my ninja turtles cuz I was 9 in 1993
@Tbone7219: My favorite part about Black Friday is the part where I go to the mall, find a great parking spot & sit in my car with the reverse lights on