@LOsepyan: According to my next door neighbor's diary I have "boundary issues" can you believe that?
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@jctwritesstuff: That face-melting Nazi guy in 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' but it's just my makeup the second I step outside in the summer.
@egg_dog: Teacher: ok class bring your dioramas to the front of the class Me: [holding a bowl of diahorrea] oh no…
@MalcInYourWife: So women draw their eyebrows on daily, and nothing is said. I sharpie on a beard for movember and suddenly everyone has something to say.
@Ygrene: [first date] DATE: so you love dogs? ME: yes, I relate to them very much DATE: aww that's swee- [a fly buzzes my head and I try to bite it]