@underchilde: According to my therapist, I should try dating a woman he isn’t married to.
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@IamEveryDayPpl: Boss: "Do you have a Twitter account?" Me: "Umm... Yo no hablo inglès." Boss: "Tienes una cuenta de Twitter?" Me: *fakes a seizure*
@wickedblondeone: Some days, I wish I had a button to restore myself to my original factory settings
@HeyZeus666: I’d never snoop through my girlfriend’s phone out of love, a deep respect and the inability to crack her password.
@brookeisgolden: Based on my experience with trying to find the restroom at Kohl's, I would die first in the Hunger Games.