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@CheetoBandito77: According to MyFitnessPal, I have been dead for 6 weeks.
@MakesYouGiggle: Interviewer: Why did you apply for this job?
Me: Because being broke and homeless didn't really call out to me.
@jeannerbeaner: "No more self-deprecating tweets," I whisper fatly.
@NotJPo: Wrong Hole!
- a love story
@Rlpihl: Shout out to Clifford the Big Red Dog. He coulda eaten those kids a long time ago
*puts cherry stem in mouth
*pulls it out with a knot
*puts earbuds in pocket
*pulls it out with 5 knots
*doesn't get laid