@CheetoBandito77: According to MyFitnessPal, I have been dead for 6 weeks.
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@Horrorsc0pes: The seven new planets cause havoc with your readings. There is nothing but chaos and pain and, for some reason, hot singles in your area.
@upsidedowntrash: WIFE: Hey why are all our potatoes dressed in tiny outfits and arranged in a little scene? ME: [hiding Photato Album] Why? Do you like it?
@704919828: Apparently googling "how to get suspended with pay" from my work computer is frowned on by my employer.
@Mr_Kapowski: The best part of Pitbull is he yells out "MR WORLDWIDE!," at the beginning of each of his songs, giving you ample time to change the station