@haykshan: According to serving sizes tonight, I'm a family of 4.
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@SweetTweetsBRO: I used to be a people person, but apparently collecting people in your basement is frowned upon.
@AimeeHelene1: (what they said) Please do not bring any alcohol on the plane. (what I heard) Please chug all alcohol & slap somebody before boarding.
@cathisamazing: I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
@SardonicTart: "Act your age!" I yell at my 11 year-old daughter as I put on my Captain America t-shirt.