@VerifiedJayy: According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn't what I thought it was
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@dubstep4dads: "hey dad, when did they outlaw hyperboles?" "hmm i dont know son, like a bajillion million years ago? idiot" *cops bust down door*
@VanGobot: *falls down several flights of stairs, breaking multiple bones* ME: *into headset mic* I'm in
@sarcasticmommy4: 13: Mom, you look younger every day. M: What do you want? 13: A new skateboard. M: How young? 13: 29 M: Done.
@bfrosty04: I just got smiled at by a lovely cashier who has plenty of teeth, but clearly only brushes her favorites.