@daemonic3: Cats always land on their feet & bread always lands butter down, but spread butter on the cat's back & everyone wonders why you're naked.
@Iwriteforcats: Bread: For when you want to wrap your food with other food, then eat it.
@BeardSpice: *loses 100 pounds in the US* yes
*loses 100 pounds in England* no
@liz_buckley: People laughed when I said I wanted to be a professional snooker player. They're not laughing now because it was ages ago.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [leaving a birthday party with my piƱata friend] i swear i didn't know they were going to do that
"Just take me home"
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