@VerifiedJayy: According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn't what I thought it was
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@samalmightysam: Hi, I'm your car's radio. I'll be playing terrible music during your trip, but once you get out of the car I'll play your favorite song.
@BoucheDag2k: Guy getting on elevator in my office building.." Going Down?" Me: "No, but I've got time for a hug"
@MissBamantha: Boyfriend Test: Sour Skittles in one hand. Peanut Butter M&Ms in the other. Which do you choose? WRONG. Neither. Don't ever take my candy.