@envydatropic: According to the CDC, the leading cause of death in 2016 was having a career in the 80's that brought you any level of fame
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@murrman5: [consoling widow] I was the one who put the kick me sign on your husband. I had no idea you owned a horse that can read
@yab_kat: [gets pulled over] Officer: *through window* Do you know why i pulled you over? Me: *punches steering wheel* answer the man you criminal car
@DomBorrett: I can't wait to find out who's playing Donald Trump in the next season of American Horror Story
@emptyheadtwo: He raised an eyebrow, put his hand down and with one eye on the table, looked expressionless. Never play poker against Mr Potato Head.