@TylerLinkin: According to the scale at my gym, all I've lost so far is 300 dollars.
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@causticbob: A secretary walks into her boss's office and says, "Can I use your Dictaphone?" He says, "No, dial with your finger like everyone else."
@PhoenixRises69: iPhone 5s fitted with fingerprint recognition. I'll sleep easier knowing that if my phone gets stolen, they'll likely chop off my hand too.